The Galactic Thinker — Crisis on Earth
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Ring Ring
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Ring Ring
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Ring Ring
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Ring Ring
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“Hello, the Galactic Thinker speaking…”
“This is Earth. We have a crisis. Can you come here and address it from your philosophy’s perspective?”
“No problem. I’ll be right there…”
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“Hello, Dave. How was your trip?”
“Instantaneous, meaning I sacrificed taking the scenic route. What’s the problem?”
“Russia has invaded the Ukraine.”
“Curious how you said ‘the Ukraine, as if it were already a part of Russia…”
“In Putin’s mind, it is. He says it was arbitrarily separated.”
“So he wants to arbitrarily make it a province of Russia again…”
“I don’t think he thought that far, Dave. In fact, I don’t think he thinks beyond how to manipulate and dominate others,and more, how to distract the world from his bureaucratic thievery within Russia, and at the top.”
“The clueless cretin.”
“But he is personally raking in billions, Dave. A cretin cannot do that…”
“I was speaking philosophically. He is an ultimately suicidal fool.”
“Is that the view of your philosophy, Dave?”
“Yes it is, and in his case, he is also a dog pimple.”
“Are you going to broadcast that so he hears it in order to challenge and possibly change him for the better?”
“Sadly my megaphone does not reach very far yet. I’m sure that its range will improve, as humans slowly realize the solidness and value of my philosophy. But right now, the stupidity of humanity is too dense of a medium for higher sanity to propagate through. So how can I otherwise help?”
“We are going to make you the President of the United States, at least for this crisis.”
“Temporarily… that is good, since I know nothing about running a country. So I am to deal with the crisis only?”
“Yes.”
“I will not have to worry about taxes?”
“No.”
“Vetoing the crazy, unimaginative, and just play reactionary laws that the clueless in Congress send across my desk just so they can appear that they ‘did something’, which results in mountains of soon-to-be-useless laws?”
“No.”
“Draw up and propose a budget for the Executive branch of the government for Congress to approve or disapprove?”
“No. Your value is in rhetoric.”
“Good. So I do not have to appoint an entire Cabinet of ambitious, self-aggrandizing bureaucrats stepping over one another to get a good position?”
“No.”
“Hold press conferences?”
“Well, yes. That will be one of you tools, Dave…”
“What about tweeting?”
“Of course. Have you ever tweeted?”
“Once.”
“What did you say?”
“Tweet.”
“Haha… so you at least know about the technology…”
“Yes, but I haven’t integrated it into my life, which had preceded tweeting by… oh… decades… which means I am set in my ways, but I am not so ossified as to be so inflexible not to use it if it serves a good purpose… where are we?”
“The Oval Office.”
“Where is the current president?”
“He took a ‘vacation’…”
“He does not want to see me operate, so he can learn by observation?”
“No. By your standards, he is an arrogant fool.”
“Haha… well, all the better, then. He would only get in the way. Shall we begin? Are you to be my assistant?”
“I will assist you in any way that you need, Dave, yes.”
“Great. First, I need to study the mind of Putin… let’s see… former KGB… brutal… ruthlessly killed a schoolhouse full of Russian children just to get at the Chechen terrorists holding them hostage… and then was chosen as President of Russia as a result… incredible. What kind of country would do such a thing? Never mind, I know that answer.”
“What is it?”
“A pathetically weak country wishing to appear strong.”
“What do you think of the Russians?”
“Russians are a noble people with a depraved government. Americans are a depraved people with a noble government.”
“Hahaha… is that an original observation?”
“Why, yes it is, thank you very much. It is why Putin hates the United States, because the people are depraved.”
“What about their noble government?”
“To him, it has obviously failed, so he dismisses it, as well as Democracy. He is an ambitious bureaucrat in a Strong Man State, so he, being one of those strong men, gravitated to the Top Dog position.”
“Is that why you called him a dog pimple?”
“No, pure coincidence! So there he is, now leading the depraved governmental system that he found himself born into, and he will continue to perpetuate his power indefinitely, as all past Russian Communist Strongman Dictators did.”
“Do you think the billions that he stole helps?”
“Definitely. It is why you steal billions, in order to be able to maintain your power over the now weak and pitiful population and others caught in that insane bureaucracy. You simply buy them. Be like Dad. It is a way of life there. It is what is expected of a Strongman. That is why he justifies it. It has always been that way in Russia. To be honest, he was also disgusted with how the Russian people behaved when they had a taste of freedom in the 1990’s: they either foolishly mimicked the worst aspects of the West, or they let their criminal mindset go wild.”
“So it has always been that way in Russia, even though it is retarded?”
“He will not admit that, especially while he is at the top. Why ruin a good thing, right? So he invades the Ukraine, and, like everything that humans do, there are many layers as to ‘why’. To spite Nato. Because he hates the other Europeans. Because the United States is a threat to his absolute rule. Because the Ukraine was the center of the Rus before the Mongols overran them, and before Moscow broke free first and assumed the central position. Because it is an invasion access point, along with the eight other invasion access points that he is trying to re-plug since the Evil Empire imploded. Then there is his ego, he must appear ‘strong’, since the Russian bureaucrats and populace like Strongmen, since they best intimidate and impress the weak-willed and witless West, thereby making it appear that Russia matters in the world… but most of all, he finds that all of this conveniently deflects attention away from the horrible Russian way of life and of governing things, and to his personal wrong-doings, which the rest of the world would not understand, since they are the norm in Russia.”
“Witless West?”
“Yes. For example, little green soldiers without any insignia invaded Ukraine’s Crimea peninsula. Obama asked Putin if they were his, Putin said no. So what does Obama do? He whines! What he should have told Putin is, ‘Well then, it must be some kind of evil masterminded organization, and the United States must help the Ukraine defend itself. We will try not to sink your fleet there or destroy your naval base at Sevastopol… after all, we do not want to put all of those Russians out of work, but there are no guarantees. At any rate, here in America, it is all about jobs, you know, so I would care, if only from that perspective…’ thereby calling Putin’s bluff. If Putin protests or demands that the US stay away militarily, then you say that he has no say in the matter, that the problem is a Ukrainian issue, and an issue of good against a mysterious evil consortium. period. He can defend his naval base from them if he can. Putin would immediately see his lying as backfiring on him in the face of a West that had will and wits, but as it was, he knew that he did not have to be that careful or wily, he could be typical Russian-sloppy and take whatever opportunities he happens to see, since the West was weak-willed and witless.”
“So Russia does not matter in the world?”
“Let’s look at it from a nuclear exchange point of view. It would be a vastly unequal affair.”
“How so?”
“What the United States would be destroying with their salvo of nuclear missiles is a shit country with a currently shit population with a shit governmental system that contributes nothing to the rest of the world. The Russians, on the other hand, would be destroying a valuable population in a great country with a great governmental system that contributes everything to the world.”
“That does sound a bit unequal, doesn’t it… so the US would lose in that regard…”
“The World would lose in that regard, so they better wake up and choose sides more wisely. As for Russia, they have no nuclear buttons.”
“What? Of course they do. They still have four thousand nuclear missiles, just like the US does. How do you think they are going to launch them?”
“With buttons.”
“Well, there you go!”
“Not precisely…”
“Then explain…”
“What they have are Suicide Buttons.”
“Ah, I see your point…”
“In fact, you can refine that to JIM JONES buttons.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean their leaders will be using the buttons to, in effect, kill themselves and all of their followers, while they then try to weasel away and survive, where they are then shot by some disgusted half-decent person, just like Jim Jones did, and was.”
“So they would push the Jim Jones button, then change their minds about their own survival and try to steal away somewhere safe, where someone, disgusted with them, will shoot them?”
“Wouldn’t you?”
“I guess that I would… it is time for you to address the world, Dave…”
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“I bring you the President of the United States, President Galactic Thinker.”
“Greetings, World. I have been summoned here to solve the problem of Russia invading the Ukraine. First, I will not set off one explosion in the Ukraine, nor in Belarus. That is not where the problem is. The problem is in Moscow., because In Russia, ‘everything from Moscow’, as one Russian put it. That is where the problem lies. If the Russians wish to defend their Strongman leader, then they will have to be fought through. Here I am talking about conventional weapons, however. If the Russians rally around Putin, then it will be more advisable to go to Plan B, and that is the route that I am taking, anticipating that Russians will rally around their strongman, since that is the only strength that they have. If Putin does not pull his military forces out of the Ukraine in two weeks, and out of the Crimea, and out of Georgia and out of Belarus and out of every other nation that he’s invaded since the Soviet Union most deservedly fell, then I will advice all innocent Russians to evacuate, and get at least two hundred miles away from, the following cities, because we will be growing mushrooms in Russia:
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St. Petersburg
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Novokuznetsk
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Chelyabinsk
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Norilsk
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Ufa
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Perm
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Omsk
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Nizhnevartovsk
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Surgut
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Moscow
“Anyone who stands in my way will be nuked, and there will be no world without me.” Putin, 2022, on his invasion of the Ukraine. (he said ‘without Russia’, but he IS Russia, though it can get by fine without him, so he meant himself and his repressive regime, which nobody in the world needs except Russia)… though I deduced what he is really doing in the Ukraine) (see his end monologue here).
“There may be more targets hit, depending on Putin’s reaction, whether it is equally limited or not. I would also advise all Russian vermin to GO TO those cities and await their most-deserved fate. Two weeks. Now, you may argue that Washington and at least ten major American cities would be lost, too. To that I would argue that maybe the world would be better off without Moscow and Washington. So my first strike will be on Moscow alone, or, more correctly, wherever Putin scurries and slithers to, since I am attacking your Strongman cultural mentality as a nation, which begins with your current strongman. Your Strongman mentality is not good for humanity. I say ‘mentality’ because it is, after all, not Russian people that I wish to destroy, just their current errant cultural mindset, meaning philosophy, and, to go deeper, not Putin proper, either, but your Strongman cultural mentality. Incredibly, I have the solution, and it is not nuclear missiles, it is my philosophy. Unfortunately there is now only one path to take. You can do better as a people and as a nation, that is, you can adopt my philosophy, where nothing as foolish as having a strongman mentality and what is going on with the Ukraine and having a Kleptocracy for a government would happen in the first place. So two weeks, and human history changes in a major way one way or another, either with the enlightenment of my philosophy or with a nuclear winter. The latter will ultimately have been the consequence of academic philosophers having failed mankind. It is the consequence of philosophy lagging too far behind technology, and academic philosophers not realizing it or having a clue what to do about it. It is the consequence of Continued Universal Human Cluelessness on the part of Everyone. Now, I would like to add that any leader of any nation who invades another country and then threatens anyone who tries to stop him with nuclear weapons does not deserve to continue to exist. There is no appeasement from such a monster, and there is no backing down when confronting him. Such a brutal dictator will not stop until he is stopped, and there is only one way to stop him: with annihilation. Not with negotiation, since he is a power-seeker, and not with sanctions, since he is a wily snake who cares nothing for his country or people. It has to be force, and it has to be deadly force, and directed not at the tentacles, but at the head of the problem, which is the Strongman and the cultural mentality that supports and surrounds it. Another correct view of the Russia leadership is that it is a giant spider engorging itself on a hapless country. That is another reason to strike the head rather than the body. Would it be better to simply execute Putin and his closest gangsters in that case? No, because the Russian problem extends far, far beyond Putin. The problem is, of course, at its core, philosophical, meaning it is Continued Universal Human Cluelessness as defined by my philosophy, and I have developed the solution. As for removing the Russian leadership in Moscow, it would be like shoveling a shovel-full of soft shit out of a semi-liquified shithole. Now, what happens when you shovel out a shovel-full of semi-liquified shit from a pit of such muck? It fills right back in with more soft shit. This reflects your clueless planet, and not just Russia. What is the solution in such a situation? You must transform the worthless shit pit into fertile ground. Is that possible? It is a challenge that the enlightened would take up. There may not seem to be a solution, but that does not mean that a solution does not exist. We need to find it, and that will be more likely if everyone adopts my philosophy’s Problem Solver’s Mindset. Otherwise, two weeks. Why two weeks? Why delay the inevitable? Why not get the nuclear exchange over with today and humans can continue their existence from there without Moscow and Washington, and hopefully with my philosophy guiding them this time? The alternative is all of this continuing to repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat until the Suicide Buttons are pushed or the harsh and deadly universe, by chaotic chance, intervenes and annihilates and vaporizes all of you because you were not prepared, because you were too busy accumulating baubles with which to impress other clueless humans, or you were grabbing for power and glory, if not primal pathological personal security (see my philosophy) instead of working on Broader Survival for all. In that case have a nice death and extinction, either by way of a quick death courtesy of nuclear exchange, or a slow and agonizing one, courtesy of the Miseries of Cluelessness that humanity continues to wallow and suffer in. Intelligence on earth will have to reset itself, and there may not be enough time left for another species to evolve into emergent intelligent beings that can take on the issues of Broader Survival. You can kiss any far-distant future resurrection via technology goodbye. The room is open for questions.”
“Will you really push the nuclear button?”
“The Suicide button. Yes, since I am offering a limited nuclear exchange: his stupid ass for my enlightened ass, since I will stay in Washington as part of my bargain. The innocent will be evacuated, and the guilty will be tethered to their chairs. Then he will achieve his megalomaniac goal of being remembered in history books, but as the dog pimple of an evil villain leading a twisted strongman culture that nobody else needs or wants, and I may achieve my goal, though through brutal means, of finally getting humans to see the light — that none of this would have happened if they were enlightened by my philosophy.”
“So you are punishing humans for not thinking the way that you want them to think, like some kind of spoiled brat who wants his way, or else?”
“Good question, but only a fool would conclude that. Do you want me to defend myself against such foolish notions? I would have time for nothing else…”
“Just this once…”
“Enlightening others is not about my ego or pride, or what I childishly want, it is about my survival, and then everyone’s survival, so it is more serious that what a clueless spoiled brat would want. My survival requires as many free and independent minds as possible to creatively solve many, many small problems, of which large problems are made of, and identifying problems and creating solutions at the broader level requires those who are enlightened, which means being on the same enlightened plane as I am, which means adopting my philosophy.”
“Aren’t you being egotistical whenever you say ‘my philosophy’? You will piss-off Brits, who HATE hubris. They will see it as snobbery…”
“Which they experience in their own twisted culture all too often. What? You do not want me to say that it is ‘my’ philosophy? It is, so deal with it. I’m not going to be any nicer about it than I already have been, and I have been quite nice. I am not going to bend over backwards to appease the foolish whims of fools who foolishly think that I am merely being arrogant. I developed it in its entirety. I was driven by being tortured by cluelessness, my own and yours, so eat it.”
“You said that you will be the one who will push the nuclear button first. Wouldn’t that make YOU the villain?”
“Suicide Button. Like the Russians on the Eastern Front in World War Two often fatalistically said when ordered to charge a German position without carrying any weapons, ‘What are you going to do?’ Meaning you have no choice. You have to do it. I can argue that it is Putin’s fault, or the strongman mentality of the weak Russian people whose educational system is Vodka, or, deeper, I could argue that it was Continued Universal Human Cluelessness guiding my hand, and in that I would be exonerated if I claimed cluelessness myself. I was just a victim of cluelessness.”
“But according to your philosophy, you can no longer say that you are clueless.”
“So who is paying attention to my philosophy? If you do not want to give it any regard over any other matter, then you have no right to give it regard when assessing whether I am clueless or not. So you can take a hike on that trick. My philosophy is either all or nothing.”
“What about all of those potentially-enlightenable minds that your philosophy values? You would be destroying millions of them…”
“Do you really think that the current generation of humans is enlightenable? I have seen zero evidence of it in all of my efforts to enlighten them. So no, we will not be losing ANY potentially-enlightenable minds, since they have all been irreversibly twisted and damaged beyond repair. The hope is in future generations who, it will also be hoped, will survive and learn from this ugly, insane past, and why your histories repeat themselves and you get nowhere as far as a species as far as Broader Survival is concerned. Any progress that you make toward it is inevitably destroyed by Continued Universal Human Cluelessness (since it is clueless). It is why you basically remain at lower-animal levels of existence, maybe primitive human at best, and now you are beating your ape-chests with advanced weaponry. It is a sad sight to see.”
“What if you are removed from office before the two weeks are up?”
“Then no nuclear exchange will occur, but the problem will not be solved.”
“So you do not expect Putin to back down?”
“No. He is locked into his nation’s Strongman mentality, and into his thieving system and culture. He is doomed to be a bullheaded strongman. It is over for them.”
“But he says that there will not be a world without a Russia.”
“And the world should take note and side with me, since the world does not need such a Russia. The world would be better off dead than with such a Russia, but hopefully some young humans will find a way to survive. I can assure you that it will not be Putin, even if he worms his way to a bunker or another city. I will reserve chaser nukes, just for him.”
“Worms his way? Are you also calling Putin a worm as well as a dog pimple?”
“If he does not man up and stay in the Kremlin as the missiles rain down.”
“You would bomb the Kremlin?”
“Let’s just say that Russia can kiss their minarets goodbye.”
“They say that the Russians are dying out as a people, with alcoholism and diseases and a failed education system… why not just wait for them to wither away while internationally containing their perpetual carousel of insane strongmen?”
“That would be Plan C.”
“So there IS hope of not having a nuclear exchange in two weeks…”
“Yes, but I would have to see more evidence that the Russians are truly a terminal race. Personally, and given human resilience, I am saying no, they will linger for centuries, and with their Strongman mentality that will continue to threaten the world with nuclear weapons. So no, that will not do for the peace and security for the rest of this clueless planet, which is the Real problem on a broader scale, not Putin or the Russians.”
“So if they became instantly enlightened?”
“Then problems like invading other countries with the intent to rule them will vanish. Such thinking will become museum pieces in the Wings displaying Past Human Cluelessness.”
“What will enlightened humans do, then?”
“Address Broader Survival together, since it requires cooperation and understanding. That understanding comes from the philosophy. Then the True Common Enemy will be addressed by all, which is the harsh and deadly universe, which we are trying to save, by the way, but that is another issue altogether. Any more questions? No? Then thank you. Have a nice day. Enjoy your last two weeks as clueless humans.”
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“Well, Sir Aid, how do you think I did?”
“You presented several new perspectives, Dave.”
“Do you think the new perspectives will have any effect?”
“No. Your tenure as President will be cut short, and humans will go right back to their clueless existences, with all of the otherwise unnecessary problems associated with cluelessness. The ‘Miseries of Cluelessness’, as you call them, such as Putin’s twisted need to maintain his thieving position at the top, and by distracting attention away from it by extending Russia’s borders, which, by the way, would conveniently extend his complete control over humans and give him access to billions more, being among them.”
“Well, Sir Aid, it’s been a nice trip. I did what I could. If it shakes things up a bit, great, but I am not holding my breath. Not from my experience with clueless humans…”
“You are leaving?”
“Yes. You do not seriously think that Putin will back down or I will be allowed to push the Suicide button, do you? Tell Congress to have a nice Impeachment.”
“Impeachment? You could simply resign…”
“No. You need to keep the pressure on Putin. If I am still President in two weeks, then keep the button warm for me…”
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“How did it go on earth, Dave?”
“Well, Love, they made me the temporary President of the United States, until I gave Putin two weeks to get his mental shit together.”
“Two weeks?”
“Then… nuclear exchange.”
“Oh. So they canned you, since there is no way that Putin would, or could back down, given the Russian culture’s thieving Strongman mentality?
“He would have to foolishly stand tall, like a philosophical strongman, to the bitter end, and the bitter end of the world, as he said with his ‘there will be no world without Russia’ quip, meaning, if he is about to lose power, then he will push the Jim Jones button.”
“He would do that?”
“Yes. Being so weak as a nation and morally bereft as a person, he has to play all the cards that he has, as weak, meaning extreme, as they are. He has a very weak hand. His nation is not strong enough for moderate measures, and Russian culture is too brutal for making humane choices about others, or even themselves. Moderation takes strength, remember. Weak dog pimples only have extreme measures, just like little dogs when encountering big dogs. It is a ‘go for the jugular or be swallowed whole’ instinct with little dogs.”
“So he should enlighten himself with your philosophy instead, which would get him and his nation out of the shithole that they are in?”
“A better way of looking at it is he must choose, as his philosophy, our far better, far more developed, and far more sane, philosophy than any that humanity has ever had. How likely is that?”
“Not likely at all. So it is not us enlightening him, but his choosing to enlightened himself with our philosophy, which is but a mental tool, and a highly developed one…”
“That is how he has to see it. Are we out of time?”
“Yes, this short story is long enough, and we have covered our main points… do you think anyone will listen?”
“No. Given past results, humans will continue on in their own mentally-imploded egotistical and desperate-for-attention and desperate-for-approval little worlds. Our readers are writers themselves, remember, who mindlessly crave attention. We will have absolutely no effect on them. They will go on continuing to crave attention by writing mindless copycat attention-seeking drivel.”
“Dave! So harsh! Why do you think they bother to read us?”
“I don’t know. Boredom, which our stories alleviate with trivial sideshows that accompany the main story, that of enlightening a clueless galaxy, and which does not sink in.”
“What, into the galaxy or the readers?”
“Yes.”
“What do you think will happen on earth without you?”
“If Russia, or, more correctly, their current Strongman, Putin, had all of humanity in mind, then they, and he, would be fine. He doesn’t, so he is not fine. He will cause all the trouble that he can, and grab for all of the billions that he can.”
“Does the United States have all of humanity in mind?”
“All but the villains in America, and there are villains, who proceed to ruin America’s reputation. It only takes a few villains and the media perpetually sensationalizing them.”
“You mean that is the type of person that the media focuses on?”
“Sadly, yes, and it only exacerbates the problem. There is absolutely no news of what good people are doing from the major media. The media knows that such news does not sell, so why report it when you have to turn a profit to make clueless greedy shareholders happy and pay bills?”
“It does not sell in a clueless world, you mean, Dave…”
“Correct, but the media is too clueless to have figured that out for themselves.”
“Enter us?”
“Enter us.”
“So Russia currently sucks, and that is why Putin thinks nothing of blowing the rest of the world up, since it sucks too? He, and his sad nation, have nothing to lose, since it has a shithole governmental system for a shithole population?”
“Good people living in a shithole mentality.”
“Aren’t you over-generalizing?”
“For effect, yes. If I could single-out only the bad Russians, I would. That technology does not exist yet. It is like World War Two, when the American and British technological level of precision bombing was nothing smaller than entire cities.”
“They could not hit anything smaller?”
“No. They would miss specific target by tens of miles.”
“So what is not being enlightened again?”
“To use yet another new perspective, it is having stupid, vague, and vapid priorities that ignore Broader Survival in a harsh and deadly universe.”
“You mean those that do not consciously address Broader Survival…”
“Correct, since even lower animals unconsciously contribute simply by mindlessly existing and reproducing, with the hope that a mentally emergent evolved form of their species will come along with the capacity to address Broader Survival.”
“What else would you say about Putin?”
“I would have said that he is an egomaniacal mental hole in the ground, but you can see his Strongman and thief dilemma, which was not of his making, it was a part of his nation’s culture and mindset, which he was born into, and really knows nothing else.”
“What about his saying that NATO is a threat to Russia?”
“In all honesty he could be referring to preserving Russia’s cultural Strongman mentality and his thieving position, which, of course, is not a wise thing to do, and which the West would like to see disappear for a brighter Russia. Some say that he is only preserving his own power, but you can see that it goes beyond that. There is a larger picture. Putin argues that Russia is not ready for Democracy. And he is right: just consider what happened in the 1990’s when they DID briefly have Democracy. Everything went to shit, and criminals ran off with everything, who Putin caught up with and assassinated, by the way, and which Russians did not object to, and, in fact, applauded. Can you blame him or them on that matter? The problem is, the Ukrainians ARE ready for democracy and freedom. They do not need the Russian Thieving Strongman system.”
“But Putin is not thinking of what the Ukrainians want or need. He doesn’t give a shit about them. He is only thinking about himself. To him, there is no humanity out there, only future sources of wealth that would oppose his rule and the expansion of his brutal, thieving regime.”
“The Ukrainians are almost ready for Democracy, and I say ‘almost’ given the weak philosophies that they live by, which lead to cynicism which leads to corruption, a burden that the Ukraine has in abundance, and the West does not need more of that. Now, if the Ukrainians adopted my philosophy, then they will be Ahead of the West, even a beacon FOR the West, proving they possess elevated sanity. This goes for ANY country. As for the Russian criminals who ruined Democracy in the 1990’s, they were the Soviet Union’s own creation, since, in such a desolate state, everyone had to survive on the Black Market. You could not even get a nail in Russia unless you knew someone on the Black Market, and this is from someone who lived there at the time. One thought that I had was that NATO was not a threat to Russia as much as an obstacle to Russian, meaning Putin’s, world dominance, which would be expected from a glorious Russian Fearless Leader, a Thieving Strongman. That he is merely securing Russian borders is a joke. A true Russian strongman would not meekly stop there.”
“World domination, which is delusional, considering how weak and impoverished Russia really is… but isn’t everyone delusional to a certain degree?”
“Current academic philosophers argue that, so if we agree with them, then the question becomes, whose delusion is closest to reality? You want to go with that set of delusions, since that is the best set that you can currently go on, pending more Verified Knowledge. Hence my anger at Wanton Fashionable Ignorance, which leads to all of Putin’s blustering and oppression and suppression of truth and secretiveness, to hide from the world that Russia is a weak and sad state run by gangster-thieves. If you are not actually strong on the world stage, then you must act on wiles. On wit. On guile. On deception. On lying. On craftiness. They are not bad skills to have, by the way, they may save the world one day, and Russian strongmen are valuable in that respect, having honed those skills to high degrees. It just may be a crafty weak dog-pimple of a bald-face thieving liar who saves the world for everyone, who know…”
“So you would not like Putin if you passed him on the street?”
“Not in a clueless world, no, and not in his current clueless mental state. I would not like his brand of cluelessness, and everyone has one, and they are all deplorably clueless. It is why everyone hates everyone else. If he were enlightened, then everything changes, and for the better.”
“So NATO is an obstacle to all of the bad things that Putin wants to do, and needs to do, as a thieving Russian strongman?”
“Yes, and it is a threat, since Americans think nothing of spreading their brand of freedom and democracy. The problem is cluelessness. It destroys freedom from within, as Putin is witnessing in America today.”
“So Americans naturally do not like dictators,and dictator naturally do not like America?”
“Correct. As for Americans not liking dictators, take Santa Anna in Mexico, for example. Here was a crazy leader, practically a dictator, practically a Monarch, no less, though he was a wily president, ruling over a lot of land in North America that was in the way of America’s Manifest Destiny, that is, spanning the entire continent east to west, Atlantic to Pacific. Easy solution for the Americans: take the land from the crazy no good dictator and his clueless nation. Mexicans already had the reputation of being degenerate, lazy, child-like, and debauched. That is changing, but back then, yes. An example is California. In Mexican hands, it remained a backwater. They did nothing with it for 300 years. When the Americans got there, in twenty years it was a bustling economic powerhouse contributing to the health and wealth of humanity’s first nation free from the plague of monarchs. As for stealing the land, in reality the Americans paid Mexico $28 million all told as part of the deals, so America did not ‘steal’ the land, as current historically myopic liberals are wont to mindlessly, and annoyingly, claim, and have you believe. This is why I bash liberals. For their faults. They are too quick to bash America out of fashionable ignorance, and worse, out or historical and international context. Note that $28 million in today’s dollars is just over $100 billion. No small amount. Mexico could have done a lot with that, but they wasted it. The French ended up invading and taking control of the country because Mexico was not paying its bills, they spent themselves out… they were, incredibly, broke again… and remember, we are really talking about a clueless world, not bad leaders or particular nations or unfortunate cultures or peoples born into them. Never forget that when you are talking about human history, you are talking about the Era of Universal Human Cluelessness. Sadly, that still going on in current events. Humans are not out of the Era of Cluelessness yet.”
“Like Russia’s education system being Vodka?”
“Like that, yes.”
“So humans are not enlightenable?”
“There brains ossify. It is ‘conservation of energy’, to defend it. Even if they try to become enlightened, they will fuck it up. It is the calling card of humans. Sometimes it is a good thing, as it tests new systems, in this case a new way of thinking.”
“So you cannot make your philosophy idiot-proof?”
“No. Idiocy always trumps genius, and I don’t even claim genius. I don’t stand a chance! Not even from myself! Frustrating!”
“Hahaha. So the Ukrainians are clueless, too?”
“Yes. Right now they are driven by blind, vague, nebulous longing , in their case for a better material life so they can strut around and show off, and, on a higher plane, for freedom to think and act as they see fit. They will probably go down the deplorable clueless materialist route like the deplorable Americans did, and still do, incredibly.”
“So you would have them driven by the higher reason of your philosophy instead, and, along with the rest of an enlightened humanity, turn their attention to Broader Survival, meaning that of expanding their security in a harsh and deadly universe?”
“Yes, that is the kind of tool that it is. It replaces vapid thinking, which fails you.”
“So when you say that Stalin was Vladimir Lenin’s mistake, and Putin was Boris Yeltsin’s mistake, it is not really getting at the core of the problem…”
“Correct.”
“And how Commodus was Marcus Aurelius’s mistake?”
“Yes, but that was more tragic since that gaff was from one of Plato’s ‘philosopher kings’, since, as a Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius was considered very philosophical, writing his Meditations.”
“Did you read it?”
“Yes.”
“What was it like?”
“A useless compendium of vapid platitudes. It is no wonder it has been forgotten, since any ‘wise saying’ is instantly forgotten, being too narrow and not worth remembering.”
“And your philosophy is not a compendium of wise sayings?”
“No. It has an integrated structure, and it offers the broadest guidance for life. Sayings are narrow, if not micro-focused. They are useless other than for the micro-task at hand that the saying applies to, and even then you will not remember it. Even tens of thousands of such narrow sayings would not offer the broader guidance that our philosophy offers, and our philosophy is easier to remember.”
“An understatement.”
“As usual. Would you like to hear what will be viewed as the most depraved quote of the 21st Century? It comes from Putin…”
“What is it?”
“That the fall of the Soviet Union was a catastrophe for humanity.”
“That’s a rich one, considering the hell-state that the Soviet Union was. They had to erect the Berlin Wall to keep their unfortunate victims IN! One Soviet Bureaucrat said to another that if the East Berliners kept fleeing to the West at their current rate, in two months there would be no one left in East Berlin!”
“Yes, so they built the wall, replete with barbed wire and machine gun towers…”
“Have you ever seen that in the United States?”
“No, but some liberal debate team member might construe something to that effect, perhaps the Japanese internment camps during World War Two, which were ringed with barbed wire and patrolled by armed guards… but we are talking about orders of magnitudes of difference in SCALE, and the Americans did not terrorize, randomly arrest, torture, murder, and send the Japanese families to work camps in order to work them to death. Why, Stalin told the Gulag commandants of the camps that they had to make room for more prisoners, WITHOUT expanding their facilities, and the only way that could happen is if they quickly worked their current crops of prisoners to death. So that is the solution that the camp commandants found. There is really no comparison with the American Japanese internment camps. When smartass liberals make the comparison, I bash them, but remember what the core of the problem is, and it is not social or economic or religious or political…”
“It is philosophical, and it is Continued Universal Human Cluelessness?”
“Right.”
“Which your philosophy addresses…”
“Yes.”
“So Putin’s beef with the West is that the West is making the world unsafe for dictators and massively thieving strongmen…”
“Correct. Putin first saw his buddy Saddam Hussein, who bought a lot of Russian military hardware, easily toppled by the United States. The world did not do anything. Then he saw his buddy Muammar Gaddafi brutally and publicly executed by his own angry Libyans, and he concluded that the CIA was behind it, though it was all part of the Arab Spring, which itself was partly a result of food shortages and high prices, which was in part caused by a bad Russian wheat harvest due to wildfires.”
“Talk about one wildfire causing another halfway around the globe! Doesn’t quantum mechanics call that ‘entanglement’?”
“Very funny, but yes, in principle it is the same thing, though it is not instantaneous.”
“Do you believe in quantum entanglement?”
“I don’t ‘believe’, I only give probabilities on what I know. I do not know the math in quantum mechanics, but it appears that, through experimentation, ‘entanglement’ does happen, though I personally doubt most new science, given the current Bad Science culture in science today, where they think nothing of proposing wild data interpretations that are, 80% of the time, later proven wrong. Why, when Hubble discovered that other galaxies existed and that they were red-shifting away from us, another ‘scientist’ published a paper that concluded that the moon’s darker areas were caused by migrating species.”
“Hahaha… incredible… y stupid. So you do not abide by the Copenhagen theory of quantum mechanics?”
“No. They have too much supernatural in it.”
“Define ‘supernatural’…”
“In this case it is reasoning that does not draw from reality, or the ‘natural world’. It comes from the imagination. For example, they said that electrons magically jump from one valence to another without traveling through the intervening space. That is just plain ridiculous. There is something else going on there, i.e. either electrons are not physical, or they are not orbiting at all, just changing static positions on the nucleus.”
“So give me another reason, from our philosophy’s perspective, why Putin’s invasion of the Ukraine is not a good thing…”
“Because he represents oppression and suppression, and Broader Survival needs free and independent minds to address all of the little problems that the larger problem of the harsh and deadly universe poses, beginning with small local problems at home, which require free and independent minds with personal initiative to solve, and which a centralized committee will never see or address. Why, during one of the Ukraine’s anti-Russian demonstrations, he remonstrated his Russia-friendly Ukrainian leader for not applying more severe repression!”
“Like shooting the demonstrators?”
“Exactly. Putin massacred his own school children. Ukrainian demonstrators are nothing to him after that.”
“What did the Ukrainian leader do?”
“He fled.”
“From between a rock and a hard place…so basically the Russians are too inhuman to rule the Ukraine?”
“Yes, and too corrupt and immoral. They would destroy the country, even without trying. Also, from our philosophy’s point of view, there would be less free and independent minds able to address Broader Survival, and that is why his repressive regime is not needed in the Ukraine. We need those free and independent minds since ‘progress’ is made up of many small solutions to local problems, which a Russian Central Committee would not see or solve, hence the inevitable stagnation of centrally-controlled states, and their desolate desperation that turns military, having no other strengths to go on.”
“Well, good that you addressed that situation from your philosophy’s perspective, my husband. Now let’s rest. Tomorrow, another planet and another issue awaits your philosophy’s perspective…
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Ring Ring
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“Hello, Galactic Thinker speaking.”
“It’s your aid from earth. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
“Your seemingly genuine concern over bothering me makes everything good. What’s up?”
“I… have an unusual request…”
“Am I still President?”
“No, they sacked you. This request is on another plane, and it may have effects that no President can effect…”
“What is it?”
“I want to leave one of your… softer piano pieces, in the war zone. I will call it ‘Music of Peace, Hope, and Infinity…”
“Nice title, Sir Aid. Why not Eternity?”
“Eternity… no. It connotes death! So, no. We want them to live.”
“Well, my piano music has had some success in the Ukraine, so let me peruse my catalog… and… I’m not really happy with any of them… let’s see… these are dark, so no, the Ukrainians are experiencing enough darkness at the moment… and these are frivolous, if spirited, but I do not think ‘frivolous’ would be appropriate, either, unless you want to remind them that there is a life out there beyond their misery that is free from the nightmares of war… ah, I’ve found some pieces that exude ‘peace’, maybe even tranquility, so I will select one of these, and this one might keep the Ukrainian defenders alert, alert to the forces working for the Evil Thieving Dog Pimple Aggressor, and such unfortunates who work for evil dictators are to be pitied when you can afford to pity them rather than having to kill them. This piece plays with the ‘distance’ aspect of one’s attention, which translates to the defenders remaining alert for enemy incursions… we would not want the aggressor who doesn’t care for freedom or the lives of others sneaking up on them, now would we… but, no, this piece is pensive in many places… do you think ‘pensive’ will be OK? I mean, they are dealing with enough pensive already over there, especially on the battlelines…”
“Your pieces are works of many moods, so yes, pensive is part of the whole package. The mood-shifts will carry them in and out of the present, which is good thing since the ‘present’ is hell, and it will carry them away to a certain point, since, in a war zone, we do not want to carry them out of the present too far or they will be caught by surprise by a depraved enemy, or for too long, for the same reason…”
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“Sir Aid! What are you doing here in the Ukraine? What do you have for us?”
“Music of peace, hope, and infinity, from the Galactic Thinker…”
“Why not ‘eternity’?”
“It denotes ‘death’, so let’s put that off for a while… and, if our philosophy kicks in, maybe forever. We can only hope…”
2021 Piano — Pitter Patterings — Dm7–9onAm 02
“What about one of his more frivolous, light pieces?”
“Do you really think that, under the pressures of battle, you would want to be annoyed by artistic frivolity?”
“I am thinking of ‘variety’, so who knows… at least we will have a choice…”
“Alright then… light and frivolous… this one comes close… it even has pretensions of being serious at times, in a playful way…”
“One more, a heavy piece this time…”
“Don’t you think that you are experiencing enough ‘heavy’ already?”
“Again, we like variety and choice. We do not have much of that in Eastern Europe at the moment…”
“Heavy it is, then… hmmm… ah, here is one with a little ‘heavy’ in it…”
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“A groggy ‘Hello’ from the Galactic Thinker…”
“President Vladimir Putin would like a word with you…”
“Only if it is a two way conversation between me, the superior being, and him, the massively-thieving dog pimple of history…”
“He says how about equals?”
“That is fine. I would like to speak with him, too…”
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“Hello, President Putin.”
“Hello, Galactic Thinker. Dog Pimple? Do you have any idea who you are talking about? I could have you poisoned as soon as you step back on earth, you small, insignificant man. I can buy anyone for anything!”
“Thank you for the ‘man’, since I am still living out my childhood. I do have a better idea, however. How about I come visit you? I would like to explain my philosophy to you, since it is really your only hope, and your country’s only hope, of digging yourselves out of the shithole that you are in. Why, if you lived by my philosophy, you would not only catch up to the West, you would Surpass the insufferable pinheads in one bound. I was going to make that offer to the Ukrainians, but if you are open minded enough to consider what I have developed for the human race, then I will place you ahead of them, since it would do you, and the world, more good. If you are man enough to give me an audience, and if you see value in my philosophy, then I will correct my assessment of you. I will not ask you to explain yourself, though I would like to know your ultimate goal, even if it falls far short of mine, which we can discuss and debate. I would advise this meeting since the President of the United States may get some wild ideas after what I was going to do. If he knows that I am meeting with you, it will prevent any rash or bold measures until I am done, and depending on the outcome of our meeting, negative or positive. When are you free? Oh, sorry. ‘Free’ is a bad word in your camp. Give me a time and place of your convenience, and give it a lot of publicity. The eyes of the world will then be upon you for a good reason for a change…”
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“The President will see you now…”
“Hello, Mr. Galactic Thinker. I am sorry for keeping you waiting.”
“It was only six hours, which is nothing for a thinker and an artistic mind, and besides, I am your guest. Your business comes first.”
“So tell me about your philosophy.”
“Did you know that that exact question is the first question to ask alien visitors from outer space? Because, what they do with their advanced military technology, which we would be interested in, wholly depends on their philosophy. In fact, it is the first question that we need to ask ourselves. As for my philosophy, it is about my perpetual survival in a harsh and deadly universe, and, if I benefit, you benefit.”
“Us? Only we two?”
“No, everyone benefits since the solutions will be that fundamental and broad, and because we NEED as many enlightened minds as possible on the job, and we need them at their maximum physical and mental strengths, and as free and independent enlightened individuals, to whom taking land back from Russia will no longer concern them, because both of you will be pursuing higher, more important goals, i.e. that of Broader Survival. Everyone will be looking out for everyone’s best interest, rather than living like they do today.”
“So the West does not think like that yet?”
“No, they’ve been resisting it. You have a chance to leap over them on the philosophical plane, meaning the attitude and moral planes, which could be construed as ‘higher intelligence’. Why, you could become a beacon for humanity. Imagine that — from shithole to beacon. and you have the propaganda machine to exploit it, too.”
“But it did not fool you. On one of our YouTube propaganda videos all you said was ‘Shit’, and on another, an interview of ME no less, all you said was, ‘What a waste of time’. Why did you say that, by the way?”
“Because he was asking you stupid questions that forced you to sit there and lie. What an imbecile he was. I would have rather heard your views, not your evasions of accusations.”
“Would you like to hear my views now?”
“Only if I can help, otherwise no, it would be a waste of time, and whatever your views are, my philosophy will correct them, so you will only be telling me the history of human cluelessness. Here is my philosophy in pamphlet form. The philosophy has advanced since then with several new concepts like the Problem Solver’s MIndset, but the core of the philosophy is in the pamphlet. You will immediately see why you were being a dog pimple, albeit in a world of dog pimples, that is not saying much, is it, if that is any consolation…”
“It isn’t. I should do some judo on your head.”
“I didn’t know judo targeted the head…”
“Mine does.”
“Acknowledged. Well, our differences will all be history, because you will enlighten yourself, and all who you rule. I will eagerly be waiting. I am tired of being alone with an elevated mentality. Do you know what I would have done in the intervening two weeks before my nuclear First Strike on you?”
“What?”
“I would have come over to enjoy your arts. Your ballet is second to none, and you have a deep orchestral history; and, unlike modern art, you have kept a sense of nobility in yours, which I find refreshing. As a bonus, I would also have become more familiar with who I was about to nuke, which may have given my hand pause when the time came…”
“I heard you were an artistic type… good that you did not equate being artistic with having to be a depraved freak…”
“Thank you.”
“I accept your offer. I will study your philosophy, and you can enjoy our arts for the remainder of your stay… and a favor, if I may ask…”
“Yes?”
“Do one of your piano improvisation for the Russian people, on my behalf…”
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“Are you ready, Mr. Galactic Thinker…”
“Yes. Dear Russia, this is a piece filled with uncertainty, darkness, introspection, and persistence… qualities that your leader and I have… and yet the piece leads you in and out of the darkness. It revisits the darkness so as not to let you forget what times were like when cluelessness reigned…”
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“How was your artistic excursion in my Russia, Mr. Galactic Thinker?”
“Beautiful. Have you come to a conclusion about my philosophy?”
“Yes. It is not for me. Sorry. It is not that your philosophy is bad, it is charming, but I cannot change my ways. It is like you said, people are far worse than you can possibly imagine, and I am fated to that. You see, Russia is a game. It is a game for thieves and gangsters who operate through government and businesses. The higher you go in the system, the more you take. So you see, you either get in the game, or you are murdered, arrested and jailed, or you can live in shithole poverty outside of the game, and that poverty is the worst in the world. Now, to get in the game, you must become complicit in the thievery, which means you must approve of the corrupt system, or at least be resigned to the thievery and/or gangsterism, and I have a lot of money to throw at people who see the practical advantages of getting into the game, as bad as it is. Your mistake has been to mistake me as a statesman, or, as you said, as a strongman. I am really nothing more than a petty thief who has amassed billions and, by murder and false arrests and causing misery for millions of my hapless countrymen, who is in too deep to get out of it. So I perpetuate the whole situation in the guise of being a statesmen doing what’s best for Russia, and the statesmanship is used to divert attention away from our thieving and gangsterism. Easy. A little mischief here, a little crisis there, a little war for ‘the good of Russia’, and everyone forgets Putin the Bureaucratic Thief. Also, since I AM Russia, doing the best for Russia means doing the best for ME. Simple. Now it is no longer criminal activity. I am doing what’s best for Russia, meaning me, since I am Russia. Naturally we must remain a closed system to continue that charade, to continue to operate as a criminal state and nation, and we in leadership positions must rely on our gullible public of whom whose respect for the law we take full advantage of by creating laws that benefit us personally, and the populace respects it out of blind principle. So in effect we remain in power on the blind good graces and the principled law abidance of the average upstanding Russian. What do they know? They do not know what is going on. They cannot see what we are up to at the top. They may have a vague sense, but where does that get them? Only those playing the game may truly know, and only a hint of it, and only some of them. So you see, Mr. Galactic Thinker, you will have to wait until all of us, all of the game players, are dead and gone, and the system itself finally dies out before Russia will be ready for your philosophy of broader survival. I will have to outlaw it if it becomes a nuisance, of course. Nothing personal. You can see my reasoning. The game is on and I am stuck in the middle of it, indeed, I am stuck at the very top of it. Your philosophy would bring all of that down, but not in my lifetime, or the lifetime of all those whom I have victimized and made complicit with gifts and positions, which, for a man in my high position, has to number in the thousands. Like the Russian saying goes, ‘What can you do?’ So it is not that I despise Democracy, even though it is the worst governmental system out there, except for all of the others. It is The Game that I must consider, and it does not include honesty or caring about anyone’s well being, especially those who do not play, and especially who would disapprove of The Game. It is a game of thieves and gangsters, I will admit. But I did not create it, it already existed when I came on the scene, and I am but one man. I cannot change it. It would be like stepping under a steamroller. Suicide. So, Mr. Galactic Thinker, take your fine philosophy and save it for posterity. We shall, as it says, live out our miserable clueless lives and then die, and maybe then a future generation of humans will be ready for it. There is no way we can change our ways so drastically. Thank you for trying, however. Say, would you still have pushed the button? Would you push it now, now that you better understand what Russia is to itself, and, in a little way, the world?”
“No. Art would have saved you. I cannot say that about American art, however. If you are looking for a reason not to push the button, do not look at American art. You know, it is good that you know when to tell the truth…”
“It is a very rare occurrence, I can assure you. Consider yourself privileged. Say, would you like a villa in Spain? I can easily arrange it…”
“Where I would spend my days pondering the fate of mankind, and how to get my philosophy out there, and even, by chance, back into your consideration?”
“Yes. I trust that you will not speak of any of this to… let’s say, troublemakers, as you contemplate life in my villa… you see, I can be kind to those who do not betray my trust, but I can be harsh to those that do…”
“I have long ago given up on the current generation of humans, and probably a few more in the future, so no, I will return to the galaxy and confront cluelessness that will no doubt be far worse than I can possibly imagine…”
“Haha, well then, good luck to you. I am truly sorry that we are not ready for your philosophy.”
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“How did it go, Dave?”
“Well, Love, he did not throw me in a dark, dank prison or a Gulag for calling him a dog pimple, and he did not poison me for saying that we need the most free and independent enlightened minds as possible if we are to survive in this harsh and deadly universe, so I’d say that it went pretty well…”
“So you’re still alive… and free!”
“Yes, Love, that is because I am not a threat, even if I tried to enlighten them, which I will not, and indeed, would not be allowed to.”
“You could try and become a martyr and push them beyond their limits…”
“Yes, but I can do more elsewhere by not becoming one there… and Russia has a talent for smothering martyrs, rendering their sacrifices moot. Even less than moot. It is what Russia is good at. Snuffing things out, in this case, higher sanity… let’s call it a day.”
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